Reflections about the intersection between friends and clients

This is a collection of my thoughts, wishes, and frustrations about combining friendships and clientships. My intention is to create awareness around some of this navigation as I’ve learned so much about this over the past 4 years and - definitely wish I had known much of this previously from both the client and business owner perspective. Please note: this isn’t about anyone, some specific situation, or particular experience but rather a perspective gained from broad strokes and patterns.

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There’s no surprise that it is challenging navigating the delicate process of friends who become clients, clients who become friends and everything in between. I’ve talked about this awareness before on Instagram - how do we honor that we’re both friends and that there’s a business relationship? Frankly, it’s hard on both sides.

Many of us run our small businesses because this work is what matters to us. It’s not about money. AND, this is our income. It’s often really hard to charge what we’re worth given the fact that most of our clients also have a hand on our heart strings. All of this often makes it really hard to assert our boundaries and honor that sometimes whether a client purchases or doesn’t allows us to pay bills, or doesn’t.

First, I’ll offer tips to navigate these complicated and multi-faceted relationships from the client position:

1. Understand that the person you’re purchasing from loves you, and is also running a business that pays their bills. Their enforcement of their return policies, pricing, and business structures are not an indication of their care (or lack thereof) for you.

2. While it’s common to think that because they’re your friend there should be more flexibility, consider the opposite. Because they’re your friend, be the easiest and most supportive client they have! You’re not doing them a favor by supporting them. You’re receiving something for the payment you’re giving. Suggesting they don’t honor their business because of your personal relationship is really sticky.

3. One of the ways to be a great client is to communicate. Need to reschedule? Can’t follow through on a commitment? Have a request? Communicate directly to us. This saves us time, energy, and mental labor. Please don’t assume that we have time and energy to follow through. We’ll be in our heads a little bit because you matter to us on a personal level. Please meet us half way.

4. Love what you’re receiving? Testimonials and word of mouth are amazing and offering a public and unprompted testimonial is a huge way of offering a token of encouragement and appreciation. Even if no one you know registers / purchases, it’s a beautiful way of affirming we’re doing a good job - which we want to know we’re doing!

5. Don’t love what you’re receiving? I can promise we’re not doing that on purpose. Let us know about any feedback you have privately and directly. It will be uncomfortable and there may be a reason things are the way they are!

Now I want to offer tips on how to navigate these complicated relationships as the business owner. These are a list of some things I’ve done a good job with and some not so much. I hope sharing some of the tougher lessons I’ve learned can help here.

1. Let the friend (now also client) know that the friendship and clientship should be distinguished as unique and separate. As someone who leads shadow work (which is an inherently confronting type of work,) it can feel confusing for the coach to also be the friend. Challenges can feel personal, when they are not. Recognizing the need for this skill is crucial and it may be worth setting up distinctions and check-ins. Think about getting onto the soccer field after arguing with a friend. There’s some things you don’t bring onto the field or off the field. Naming this up front can often prevent future awkwardness.

2. Let your client friend know it’s ok if they’re disappointed with your product, and that they can communicate this to you. Don’t be defensive if they do. Receive it with the love it’s intended with. Ultimately it needs to be ok that they don’t love the product and create space for that to not affect the friendship. Create space and a strategy for which they can communicate to you what’s coming up.

3. It's OK, and necessary, for you to have boundaries around payments. It is not a testament to your care for community by pretending you don’t have needs. Simply because you love them does not mean you don’t need your income to be predictable and steady. It can feel really hard to enforce a no-refunds contract for example, but if you’re honest with yourself and your needs you will often find that it’s authentic for you to honor yourself here.

4. Sometimes this client relationship can damage the friendship. I think of it like living with someone. Sometimes choosing to move in together can highlight parts of people that damage the friendship. If it damages the relationship, although it's hard, let it go, especially if they aren’t willing to honor that this is your livelihood. It’s no longer an aligned friendship, and that’s ok.

There’s no one way to go about this, but in my last 4 years of my coaching career being full time, I have worked with hundreds of people and many of them have been people I love outside of the work.

Unfortunately, I used to engage in business relationships with friends as a client with a sense of entitlement; that I should somehow receive special treatment because of our personal relationship rather than thinking about how to treat them with extra special care because of our personal relationship.

I hope this helps. Ultimately, the bigger picture is - have grace with the process, honor the positionality of both and know that it’s separate from your friendship!

I love you.